My mother has been visiting for a week now pushing me to write this. It’s been an emotional week and this post is full of emotion, but nonetheless a heartwarming one… just for Mother’s Day.
Spending time with family when they live 2,000 miles away can be very challenging. Lives get busy, the time flies, and financial burdens take a toll.
When I looked back over the last 13 years, I realized that my kids only got to see their grandmother “Oma” and grandfather in Kansas every 2-3 years for barely a week at a time. This was brought to my attention with my mom’s passing in 2012. I was recently reminded of one of the last conversations mom and I had in which she stated her one regret in life. She said, “The one regret I have is that I did not take enough time over the years to be a bigger part in their (my kids) lives.”
Daily life flies by quickly. The urge to get through a day turns into a push to get through the week; then you look up and the month is almost over; then a holiday comes up quickly and next thing you know, a year has flown by. You then realize you did not accomplish all your goals and spending time with family is usually the one that gets overlooked. You might think, “Awe they (family) are going to be here for a long time. We will just get together next month or the next holiday.” Then it’s too late.
We are not promised another day or even hour. We will never know the exact moment in time when we are to return Home. However, God has given us a warning system, in the form of intuition that has many uses. By learning how to recognize your instincts, you can start to see how divinely timed this grand life is. Hopefully, you will appreciate the moments that are created so you don’t miss that chance encounter with your soul mate or that last precious moments with a loved one.
I’ve come to recognize and strengthen my ability to “follow my gut or instincts”. This has allowed me to experience one of the most memorable and divinely timed moments so far in my life, because I had NO idea of the events that were to come.
The following events occurred from August 2012 to October 2012. On a desolate highway in eastern California my kids and I were on our way to Arizona to a water park resort for a 4 day getaway. We were celebrating my daughter’s 5th grade graduation. Midway into the drive I received a telephone call from my half sister in KS. She was crying. As I am trying to maintain driving down a hot desert interstate in the middle of nowhere I asked, "What's wrong?" She said, “We are at the doctor’s office.” And through her tears she said, “Your mom has cancer and it's really bad. It's in her lungs and she has 2 tumors in her brain.”
I proceeded to find out more details as I drove, then I hung up, and later talked to mom from the resort.
Over the next 2 1/2 months my mom bravely did as you are supposed to, she sat through the hours of chemo and radiation treatments with hopes that they could shrink the tumors and reduce the spread.
One afternoon, while I was at work, I received an unexpected text message from my step father asking me to call both he and my mom after work. I was aware that my mom had been to the doctor that day. So my scared ego was screaming in my mind trying to tell me to CALL NOW, but my true feelings were calm and just trying to decipher the reason for the odd text. When I quit letting my mind run wild, I knew in my gut that if I called right then I would not be able to handle what I might hear. So I waited till I got home. I had said a prayer at work and told God if mom tells me that she is terminal, then I will leave immediately. That would be my confirmation of what my intuition was preparing me for. When I got home and called, it was as I suspected. The news was that no more chemo or radiation could stop the spread of the cancer through her body.
The doctor did not want to subject her to more treatments, he wanted to focus on managing the pain. He would not estimate how long she would be with us, but I knew without a doubt I had to leave that night and that I needed to take the kids along despite all the personal family issues I had and the challenges of the kids missing school for a week or more. My intuition was leading and it was screaming, “We all need to see mom one more time”.
After driving for 2 days, when we got to KS I couldn't figure out why my step father didn't want me to go to their home. We met at a store parking lot, where he then revealed, "I didn't want to tell you why you were driving, but your mom is in the hospital. She went in last night.” When I got to the hospital she was very weak and did not look well. She seemed so defeated. The comment to me from the family was "I think she was holding on till you got here."
After the words "terminal" had hit the air at that doctor's office just days before, she mentally gave up and this is not a woman who gives up. She admits to being stubborn and will get things done on her own. (Guess that’s where I get it.)
The next few days, to my delight, she built herself back up and found the strength to join the family back at her house. After the hospital visit while she still had the strength, we decided to have an early Thanksgiving (all our intuitions were screaming have the gathering NOW, we had NO doubt we should). The house filled with friends and family that came to see her one more time and even her first husband (my father) came to say goodbye. The day was comforting, loving, filled with emotions. Several of us even felt and discussed how her house was filled with love and "passed" loved ones (her parents, her grandma, and her brother-in-law) who were comforting us and enjoying the love that everyone shared for this amazing woman.
The next two weeks our goal was to make her comfortable. She still held some hope and even went through one more chemo treatment and took an hour long trip to the Kansas University Medical Center to see if she qualified for a medical trial, just to show she wasn't giving up.
We did our best to make her comfortable at home. I gave her a pedicure and a manicure one day, my youngest would play doctor and carry the necessary shot, and even donned a surgical mask once to show grandma how much she wanted to be helpful and spend time with her. My aunt took the time to teach my kids how to crochet as they sat with mom.
My mom and aunt have lived in America for over 35 years; their other siblings are still in Europe. So thanks to Skype, mom was able to speak with family from Germany and as they reminisced, you could hear the random laughs and confusion when mom and her sister would try to explain certain things from English to German or vice versa but they would get lost in translation. It was nice to hear mom laugh.
Though the energy in the air was hard to emotionally handle many times, having her grandkids sitting with her, talking with her, and just being there in her presence are memories we will hold forever. They helped create some of the few smiles that mom would be able to complete as the days went on. She found peace in those moments.
I followed my intuition and was confident that I had done the right thing by bringing the kids along and coming when we did, despite the challenges, that in the end, God handled better than I could have ever done on my own.
As Thanksgiving came, the cloud of emotion began to roll in because we knew we had to tell my mother that the children and I had to leave after the holiday. Our family knew in our hearts that she would not hang on to life much longer after the kids and I left. Life, jobs, and the daily routine would continue in her home, she knew the respite was over. I held my emotions as I hugged her goodbye for the last time. I had to be strong for her; I wanted her to feel I would see her again. Even though, my step father and I knew that once we left, she would give up.
Twelve hours later, while in Arizona, I received the call that she has gone downhill, fast. The family comforted her and let her know it was ok to let go. As much as we all wanted her to be here with us, it was time to release her so she could go Home.
Within hours of getting to LA, I got the call that she had passed. I flew out immediately, helped plan a funeral, cried, and dealt with all the memories and things that helped to make up her world in KS. It was the longest month of my life, but the most important one that will last with me forever, all because I listened to my intuition, made the right choices, and fell into the divine timing that made a moment in time better than I could have EVER imagined during such a trying time. Thank you! Thank you to all who helped me strengthen my connection to God.
The intuition is easy to follow blindly, everyone does it every day. However, recognizing your intuition over your ego so that you may enjoy a moment to its fullest during diving timing is the difficult task.
In this earthly plane we battle against negativity which thrives in our own minds. Your “intuition” is your spiritual mind- that unfiltered word from God. The brain is used to navigate through this world with logic and creativity. Your “gut” gives you a direct contact to that unmistakable feeling you get when you sense danger or that knowing when you have just met your soul mate. Those feelings are organic and don't have to analyzed or questioned. You just know.
The ego slips in and goes to work when you start to question yourself and rationalize or tear apart what you feel; that moment when you doubt yourself or the circumstances. Recognizing this challenge is part of living separated from our true Home.
If you can truly believe in the unseen and trust that unmeasurable feeling, then you can begin to strengthen your connection.
Much Love and Intuition.
For more information on how to strengthen your intuition:
How To Follow Your Intuition
4 Ways To Tap Into Your Intuition