I have worked in Human Resources and the Executive Office in many different companies over the last 20 years. The one unspoken requirement for those positions is that you cannot share the personal or professional information you are privy to. You are held to a higher standard due to your position. Therefore, you must hold a lot of emotion inside related to what you know.
Realistically, the majority of these positions are held- by women. Women are in Human Resources because we have compassion for employees and their well being at heart. Women are in the Executive Office because we have the strength to handle the demands of a business leader. We are the “rock” in many life situations.
Everyone knows ONE “rock solid” woman in their life. I know I am that for many people in my life and I see women in my life who are that for me.
Like a rock that lasts through the centuries and has survived through all the weather changes, the people that have passed by, or sat by you; you are a solid person who has been strong through it all and supported your family and friends.
Being the “rock” does not mean we are cold and hard either. We are also porous like paper and that softer side makes us compassionate, warm, and grounded. When raising children, we are both the disciplinarian and healer. At work, we’re the professional and friend; in our marriages, we are the partner and the supporter.
Being the rock, by default, keep our emotions hidden so no one sees us as weak. As a result, we never take the time-out to process all that we hold in.
I recently experienced this when I lost several people in my life to death and circumstances- these changes were a surprise. But in the end, I see why they happened. What I came to understand is that when something ends, you MUST allow yourself to grieve.
A Job Ending
A Lost Business
THE CRUSHED SCISSORS
We have a social stigma in our world which upholds that crying shows weakness. This is not truth. If we were not meant to cry-it would not be an emotion that was given to us! God knew we all needed a release. Holding negativity is NOT what being here is about. We are here to fight through negativity and learn.
You must release the pain to allow your body and soul to heal. Crying is one release of the negativity. Who does not feel better after a good cry? Things are clearer since the emotion is released. Women have to do it often for all we hold in. Men should do it MORE often.
Grieving over a loss is ESSENTIAL. NO MATTER WHAT THE LOSS IS!
Until you allow yourself to grieve the loss, and then have the strength to move forward, only THEN will some of the answers come to light. By holding onto the loss and the pain, you are only prolonging the time till you see why it happened.
THE RAIN WILL COME AND GO
Now when you are moving forward, you will find it to be a process. You will have days where you are reminded of the pain and loss, but you have to know that every step you take forward makes the “set back” recovery time shorter.
With my particular experience, I would find myself moving forward with life, and then I would feel the pain again, due to a circumstance that brought it back or just a memory. I would remind myself in that moment, "Yes, I did have a setback today; fine. Tomorrow, I may still be down BUT it will be less than today.” Then with a deep breath, I would keep moving forward.
What I noticed is that when people would ask me how I was doing, I would respond with a % on how much shorter the recovery time from this setback was taking.
“I am recovering at 80% right now.” Whatever mental setback that was would take me say a week to get over. Next time, “I am at 40%” (3-4 days to get over). As more time elapsed, near the end, I was able to say, “I am at 10 or even 5%” (So based on the setback I knew it would take a day or so to get over. And at 2%, now it’s down to hours.
I don’t know that I will ever fully-or should reach 0% but getting to 2% makes life feel so much easier to handle. Because allowing myself to wallow in the pain does no one any good. So the more I can allow myself to grieve, recover, and find a purpose, I can then celebrate the reason it happened. I can celebrate the life of my lost family member and not feel the pain-every time.
The point is, by not putting demands on yourself to suck it up and get over it, you have the opportunity to just take the time and go at your own pace. With the goal of WANTING to heal and move forward, you will find that each time gets easier. Even if you feel you have no one around to support you or who understands what you have been through, remember you are never alone. You have a support group bigger than you can imagine: your guardians, angels, passed loved ones, God. They will help you one day at a time.
It may feel like the loss is the worst thing happening at that moment- it may make no sense as to why. But if you can find-really find-the reason it happened (find the purpose). That loss can be what will propel you to greatness or save your life. That loss will have a result that will be positive for you in some way. And even in losing someone you love, admittedly, this will be difficult; but over time, it will be understood why.
With loss is change. Yes - you MUST grieve that loss. Ignoring it and not dealing with the feelings related to it means it will cycle back around at some point and you will be faced with a similar situation or the emotions you never dealt with, again.
By holding all the emotions inside, it just leads to your body eventually fighting back at you with sickness, depression, or built up anger. Your body is not meant to hold negativity.
When you are ready, accept the change, and why it is necessary. God’s will is NOT for us to suffer. If you are facing a challenge that does not make sense, know that there is always –always- a reason for it. Nothing happens by chance.
When you have taken the time to grieve, you will then see the purpose and positivity it has created. You will then be met with all the happiness, love, and support you need. It’s OK to accept the happiness and see the life you are NOW to live.
Much Love and Light.