I am a Virgo, a natural perfectionist. My life has revolved around organization, details, knowing the answers for everyone, having daily life-COMPLETELY planned out, taking on projects and putting out the BEST results-no matter how long it took.
It’s no different at work, where I make sure all the details have been attended to; from the simplest paperwork to the particulars of a company event, to even the precise planning of an executive’s trip- lord you don’t want your boss to end up in the wrong city on the wrong day!
When I was a stay-at-home mom, the desire to be perfect would come into play when I would have the house constantly picked up-literally, every bottle, toy, and piece of clothing put away; every counter top cleaned and clutter free. I wanted my home to be picture perfect in case of unexpected guests and as a thank you to my husband for his contribution to the family.
In general, I put so much pressure on myself to make sure that whatever I produce is perfect the first time. For many years, without even realizing it, I operated under the title…
“A SUPERWOMAN” /“A SUPERMOM”.
This condition is so prevalent that, for goodness sake they now have definitions in the dictionary for these terms!
su·per·mom noun Informal.
a mother who successfully manages a household
and cares for her children
while holding a job OR being active in her community.
An informal term for a mother
who can combine child care and full-time employment
su·per·wom·en noun, plural
1. A woman of extraordinary or superhuman powers.
2. A woman who copes successfully with the simultaneous demands of a career, marriage, and motherhood.
I now know that this pressure to be perfect came from a subconscious fear of being judged or embarrassed.
Why? Where did this fear come from?
Well, if you think about it, we have all been raised with this fear deep down. It is an unintentional side effect of:
This is simply society’s way of ensuring that we each reach our full potential. Unfortunately, the constructive criticism sometimes comes off too hard, and we hold on to the harsh judgment far longer than the good, in turn producing the fear.
As if the general fear inducing judgment from society isn’t enough, we women constantly have the extra burden to prove that we can do everything, and that we know everything, - ALL at the SAME time!!
Women have struggled for so many generations to get ahead, be equal, and be leaders. And as the overachievers we are- we found multitasking a fundamental basis.
With the accomplishments of many courageous women we have come so far in this world. I thank the women who have taken on the roles to help change how society treats and looks at women. We still have a long way to go, but knowing how far we have come, should give hope to so many.
What I realized is that there is a place in life for healthy criticism. But in the end, if you hold back the authentic you out of fear of being judged, you will only delay your true happiness.
You have to be able to accept the fact that NO ONE is perfect. NO ONE person can do everything or everything right all the time. No one is meant to. If we were perfect- we would not be on this planet working with all the negativity; negativity being Judgment in this case. We are here to collaborate and learn lessons from each other like: patience, understanding, respect, compassion.
By allowing that thought to really sink in, you will experience calm and find a balance to enjoy life. By not placing such high expectations of perfection on yourself, you are less stressed and start to emerge as the authentic person you were meant to be, and this inevitably starts a ripple effect that positively affects others!
The dishes will get done and the clothes will get put away, eventually. But without the stress of self-judgment, you open your life up to being PRESENT in the moment with family and friends. Because the companionship and fellowship with others is truly how we grow and enjoy life.
Much Love and Acceptance.